Sorority Row (2009)

director: Stewart Handler

writers: Josh Stolberg, Pete Goldfinger

starring: Briana Evigan, Rumer Willis, Leah Pipes, Jamie Chung, Audrina Partridge

genre: Horror, Remake

Whoever thought that this film deserved the chance to see the light of day should be punched in the face immediately. Anybody who had anything to do with this film should be ashamed of of their involvement. Sorority Row happens to be the worst film of 2009 and an utter disgrace to humanity as a piece of art.

The story is of 5 sorority sisters and a prank they play on one of the sisters boyfriend. The prank is that one of the girls Megan pretends to be dead and while they try dismember her body and freak the shit out of the boyfriend. The boyfriend thinking shes really dead by mistake kills her. They all vow to keep it a secret and hide the body. A year later everything comes back to haunt them. Scary messages and deaths shows them that the nightmare isn't quite yet over. Who is the murder you might ask? The mystery begins of the most clichéd horror film ever.

The plot from beginning to end is bad, predictable and boring. Seeing this film reminded me of two other films. I Know What You Did Last Summer and Valentine. And immediately the idea that Sorority Row has stoled the whole plot from those two films. Whoever has seen the those films will know what im talking about. Ripoff of the century should be the tagline of this film as seeing Sorority Row feels like seeing those two other films once again.

I haven't even started on the details on where the film gets it so wrong. The biggest problem is it cant get the slasher film characteristics correctly. The filmmakers forgot that a slasher film should be fun, the deaths should be cool, for there to be a interesting serial killer and last incredible sequences and maybe at the end a meaning. Sorority Row doesn't have any of those characteristics but has all of the worst qualities of a bad film. It ties itself down in cliches, bad acting and repetitive storytelling.

Lets mention some of these crazy absurdities the film has. The killer has a Rambo arm at times when throwing the knife. The fact that the killer out of nowhere, finds out the truth from a friend and goes on killing rampage for his girlfriend with no apparent reason. Just that he suddenly went psychologically mad. Also the fact that all the girls characters are cliches. The cute and shy girl, the idiot, the tough smart girl who hangs out with wrong crowd, the bitch leader. The terrible dialogue that accompanies these cliche characters is another problem. The shots of the stars breats or waist line just to sell skin. The only film that could compare to being filled absurdities probably has to be Anaconda 3.

Last let me talk as well about the sororities while im bashing the living daylight out of this film. Throughout the film sorority's are played out as this place of truth,honor, sisterhood, and in the end the killer comments on how thats bullshit. That they are all liars, idiots and whores. The film right at the end it decided to switch gears and have so called commentary. Which doesn't make sense because it feels out of place. As if we also needed this horror film to explore the sorority culture and its negatives. This film should first have had a good story, with a real mystery to who's the killer, genuine and likable characters and then maybe we could have focused on some social commentary.

The studio who made this film should just take the film negatives and burn them and forget about a possible sequel. There is no reason for them to lose more money on this franchise. But there is something I forgot to mention. The icing on the cake you might say. Sorority Row is a remake. Not only is it a simple remake, but a remake who had to ripoff ideas from other Horror films. The only good thing about this film was Carrie Fisher. God bless you Princess Leia for the memobrable moments in one of the worst horror films ever Sorority Row.

Personal Rating:

Review by Paul